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Couple of Days passed…
School got over and we were cycling to home, when a friend asked me, “Sai. Did you watch any special movie in other friend home”. That question struck my heart. His message and intent was crystal clear. But I asked him, “What da? what movie?”, as If I dont know anything. The others joined, “Dai, dont act da… You watched sex movie in Benny’s home la?”
Holy Shit !!! My mask tore apart, My Image was destroyed!!! Benny cheated me, he told everyone that I saw XXX video 🙁 I felt very bad, very very very bad. and I am confused what do I do now? whether to confess or to make an act, as if the other friend had lied and I am innocent.
Lie and making up
Then I lied through my teeth to my other friends, “I didn’t ask for it. He only showed me, without even intimating me what the video is about. I closed it immediately. Its not my fault”. I revealed only the first incident, but not my request and the 2nd time watching it. I felt very bad, but lied there to save my ‘Good Boy’ Image. The other friend was not in the spot. So things were smooth that day.
Embarrassment, tension, conflicts and hurt
We were cycling back to home the next day. Benny was with us. I was tensed, hoping that no one takes up that topic. Especially since Benny was with us. One nut started speaking, “Dai Benny, you were telling us that Sai asked for and watched the videos. but he is telling not. What’s happening? lets sort this out!”
“You fool! Is this so important now?”, I am thinking to myself, but not speaking anything outside.
Benny tells others “For the first time, I showed him without his awareness. But then the next day, he asked me to show more and came to my home and we watched things. It was an awesome video.”
I couldn’t confront him for breaking the promise of not telling others. Because the promise is based on a foundation of my untruthfulness. Though I hated him. Others were questioning me. They wanted me to accept it. But I kept telling, ‘No da. He is lying. Nothing happened.’ But I was hurt on the whole episode, deeply hurt. Not because of my actions (of watching xxx videos), but because of my `good boy` image tearing apart.
But….. I wanted more!
In spite of being hurt badly because of my name got damaged in my Class for watching xxx videos, I seriously liked to watch more. I couldn’t resist. But I got no Internet connection at home, had zero guts to go to Internet Cafe alone for watching it and asking my friends’ is not at all a choice.
Days passed very dry without any real chances to watch films. I couldn’t resist myself anymore to wait for another 7 years to get married and see things for real. Big battle going in the mind. One side commanding me to be good and the other side commanding me to fuck the rules and do watch the awesomeness.
Unlike before, it burned inside when other friends were discussing on xxx stuffs and was sharing their experiences. Worst thing is, I am continuing to project an image as before, advising friends that it is bad to watch stuffs and to be good. Though my intensity of the advises were not sharp as before.
I was at the peak of hypocrisy.
Holy Grail (B Book) in neighbor’s home
Couple of bachelors were my neighbor and I occasionally visit them just to chat. One day when I was in their room, I saw a book that got `zoomed up` snaps of breasts. Wooow! I wanted to checkout it out and didn’t know how. Asking them face to face is not at all an option. I left from there in a while.
I increased my frequency of visits to their room from that day. One fine evening, I was left alone in their room, while the big brothers were busy in other rooms.
Perfect Moment!
I started looking in their shelf for `that` book among all other books. In a few minutes, I found the Holy Grail; felt like the sages who realized the absolute truth after decades of meditation, felt like alien hunters, who established communication with an advanced alien race; felt like humanity succeeded in their eternal search of immortality 🙂
Was flickering through the pages, looking at all the nice curves I ever saw in my lifetime. I forgot the whole world and was completely immersed in the book.
I heard “Sai!” and a shock was sent through my spines! I was caught, I was caught while watching xxx stuff! The whole world turned upside down. My life was doomed. He is going to tell everyone about this, starting from my friends, other neighbors and finally to my parents. I am going to be an outcast. I am gonna be labelled `bad boy`. Dozens of embarrassing depressive doomed thought bursts happening in every micro seconds.
I kept the book back in shelf, couldn’t even see his face. I left in a hurry, saying “bye bro. will come tomorrow”.
After math, The Hell!
I just couldn’t sit in home. I was worried. I can imagine him coming to my house and inform dad and mom about what I just did. I couldn’t even imagine what worse will come next. I couldn’t simply sit in home with all that heat and that bro coming to my home shortly!
I took my cycle and went to my friend Yasar’s home. He is my other school friend and didn’t know of my xxx video incidents. I told him everything but in a different way. I made the story look like it was just an accident that I looked at that book and it was not intentional. I was asking him how can I tell this to the big brothers, to my parents and make them believe me?
Though he was very skeptical that the whole incident was not intentional, he assured me that they are not going to tell to my parents. Since it will be a shame to them also, for they are having such books. Good logic, right! We spent sometime chatting and I was about to leave home, wishing nothing worst happened back there.
And Yasar placed one request, “Dai *loot* that book if possible. Not for you, I know you wont be seeing it again. But myself and other friends would be very much happier. Do this as a big help da.”
I responded outside,”No way! Don’t be tempted, be a good boy.” and internally “Wow. Getting that book just for myself. I can see it whenever I want and the amount of information it had. I need to go through them word by word after I saw all the curves 1000 times. and no one would know!”
I returned home and it was cool. Nothing happened as my wild imaginations. But again, how I am going to face my brothers? How I even gonna visit their room here after? But without visiting them, how I am gonna steal the Holy Grail for myself ! >:) How I am gonna steal the Holy Grail for myself? Keep watching this space.
Couple of Days passed…
School got over and we were cycling to home, when a friend asked me, “Sai. Did you watch any special movie in other friend home”. That question struck my heart. His message and intent was crystal clear. But I asked him, “What da? what movie?”, as If I dont know anything. The others joined, “Dai, dont act da… You watched sex movie in Benny’s home la?”
Holy Shit !!! My mask tore apart, My Image was destroyed!!! Benny cheated me, he told everyone that I saw XXX video 🙁 I felt very bad, very very very bad. and I am confused what do I do now? whether to confess or to make an act, as if the other friend had lied and I am innocent.
 |
| and that 1% was me! |
Lie and making up
Then I lied through my teeth to my other friends, “I didn’t ask for it. He only showed me, without even intimating me what the video is about. I closed it immediately. Its not my fault”. I revealed only the first incident, but not my request and the 2nd time watching it. I felt very bad, but lied there to save my ‘Good Boy’ Image. The other friend was not in the spot. So things were smooth that day.
Embarrassment, tension, conflicts and hurt
We were cycling back to home the next day. Benny was with us. I was tensed, hoping that no one takes up that topic. Especially since Benny was with us. One nut started speaking, “Dai Benny, you were telling us that Sai asked for and watched the videos. but he is telling not. What’s happening? lets sort this out!”
“You fool! Is this so important now?”, I am thinking to myself, but not speaking anything outside.
Benny tells others “For the first time, I showed him without his awareness. But then the next day, he asked me to show more and came to my home and we watched things. It was an awesome video.”
I couldn’t confront him for breaking the promise of not telling others. Because the promise is based on a foundation of my untruthfulness. Though I hated him. Others were questioning me. They wanted me to accept it. But I kept telling, ‘No da. He is lying. Nothing happened.’ But I was hurt on the whole episode, deeply hurt. Not because of my actions (of watching xxx videos), but because of my `good boy` image tearing apart.
But….. I wanted more!
In spite of being hurt badly because of my name got damaged in my Class for watching xxx videos, I seriously liked to watch more. I couldn’t resist. But I got no Internet connection at home, had zero guts to go to Internet Cafe alone for watching it and asking my friends’ is not at all a choice.
Days passed very dry without any real chances to watch films. I couldn’t resist myself anymore to wait for another 7 years to get married and see things for real. Big battle going in the mind. One side commanding me to be good and the other side commanding me to fuck the rules and do watch the awesomeness.
Unlike before, it burned inside when other friends were discussing on xxx stuffs and was sharing their experiences. Worst thing is, I am continuing to project an image as before, advising friends that it is bad to watch stuffs and to be good. Though my intensity of the advises were not sharp as before.
I was at the peak of hypocrisy.
Holy Grail (B Book) in neighbor’s home
Couple of bachelors were my neighbor and I occasionally visit them just to chat. One day when I was in their room, I saw a book that got `zoomed up` snaps of breasts. Wooow! I wanted to checkout it out and didn’t know how. Asking them face to face is not at all an option. I left from there in a while.
I increased my frequency of visits to their room from that day. One fine evening, I was left alone in their room, while the big brothers were busy in other rooms.
Perfect Moment!
I started looking in their shelf for `that` book among all other books. In a few minutes, I found the Holy Grail; felt like the sages who realized the absolute truth after decades of meditation, felt like alien hunters, who established communication with an advanced alien race; felt like humanity succeeded in their eternal search of immortality 🙂
Was flickering through the pages, looking at all the nice curves I ever saw in my lifetime. I forgot the whole world and was completely immersed in the book.
I heard “Sai!” and a shock was sent through my spines! I was caught, I was caught while watching xxx stuff! The whole world turned upside down. My life was doomed. He is going to tell everyone about this, starting from my friends, other neighbors and finally to my parents. I am going to be an outcast. I am gonna be labelled `bad boy`. Dozens of embarrassing depressive doomed thought bursts happening in every micro seconds.
I kept the book back in shelf, couldn’t even see his face. I left in a hurry, saying “bye bro. will come tomorrow”.
After math, The Hell!
I just couldn’t sit in home. I was worried. I can imagine him coming to my house and inform dad and mom about what I just did. I couldn’t even imagine what worse will come next. I couldn’t simply sit in home with all that heat and that bro coming to my home shortly!
I took my cycle and went to my friend Yasar’s home. He is my other school friend and didn’t know of my xxx video incidents. I told him everything but in a different way. I made the story look like it was just an accident that I looked at that book and it was not intentional. I was asking him how can I tell this to the big brothers, to my parents and make them believe me?
Though he was very skeptical that the whole incident was not intentional, he assured me that they are not going to tell to my parents. Since it will be a shame to them also, for they are having such books. Good logic, right! We spent sometime chatting and I was about to leave home, wishing nothing worst happened back there.
And Yasar placed one request, “Dai *loot* that book if possible. Not for you, I know you wont be seeing it again. But myself and other friends would be very much happier. Do this as a big help da.”
I responded outside,”No way! Don’t be tempted, be a good boy.” and internally “Wow. Getting that book just for myself. I can see it whenever I want and the amount of information it had. I need to go through them word by word after I saw all the curves 1000 times. and no one would know!”
I returned home and it was cool. Nothing happened as my wild imaginations. But again, how I am going to face my brothers? How I even gonna visit their room here after? But without visiting them, how I am gonna steal the Holy Grail for myself ! >:)
